So many people are talking about the Enneagram these days, which may excite you or repulse you. You may be in a place where you are discovering, obsessing, reading everything you can, listening to all the podcasts, googling all the memes. Or, you may be suspicious, groaning when your friend brings it up all the time, everywhere, non-stop!
The Enneagram is definitely on trend right now and people are connecting it to everything. I’ve seen people post polls in Facebook like: “What is your favorite ice cream flavor and your enneagram number?” And replies pour in: “I’m a [insert number here] so of course I like [ice cream flavor].” Dozens will like and comment and affirm some stereotype like: “of course you as a 4 will always go for the most unique and exotic flavor!”
I know some of this is being playful. Yet too often the Enneagram gets misused and thrown around like a party trick rather than honoring the depth, nuance, and complexity of people.
You may have seen it happen — people define themselves and others by numbers and wings as if they’ve cracked the code on all personality types. They say things like “that is such a [insert number here] thing to do!” What about honoring the whole person? Their story? Their motivations? Maybe it’s their lack of coffee (or too much coffee!)
For some, their number becomes their excuse: “I can’t help it, I’m a [insert number]!” Now the Enneagram becomes a way of deflecting responsibility or justifying some kind of behavior that should be addressed.
Maybe you know someone who has read just enough on the Enneagram that now they think they are an expert on you because they know your number. They may say things like “I think you are acting out as an unhealthy [insert number]”. You’ve become defined by a stereotype and a series of generic statements. They act like they know you, but now you feel more unknown than ever. People stop listening and caring and start labeling.
The Enneagram may even be the reason you do or don’t get a job these days!
So—is the Enneagram useful? Is this a fad that we should pray ends soon or a tool that we should leverage for transformation?
Yes. Both.
The Enneagram comes up often as I talk with friends and people I coach or mentor. I always say: I am not an expert in the Enneagram. I do not have a certification, nor am I a licensed therapist. It’s definitely on trend right now and gets misused a lot.
However, I have found the Enneagram to be one of the best tools for formation and growth fo me personally and as a leader over the last decade. I have found it extremely helpful to use with teams I have worked on because it gives us common language and helps us work better together. It’s a tool that when used well, is extremely powerful.
I have read and researched a lot about the Enneagram over the years, and the best teachers always lead by affirming the depth, nuance, and complexity of all human beings. No basic numbering system could ever contain, define, or categorize the glorious diversity and multi-layered-ness of all people. What makes you you is the coming together of myriad stories, moments, genes, experiences, decisions, hormones, etc. No one can be reduced to simplistic social science, pop psychology, or Enneagram typing. And that is a wonderful thing!
It’s also important to acknowledge that we all want to know and be known. To have a personality test or a typing system that can finally help us know ourselves and others better satisfies a normal human desire and is a worthwhile pursuit. That’s actually how we ended up with the Enneagram to begin with — hundreds of years of exploration into the mystery of human personality and decades more development and research.
While the Enneagram is a recent fad, it is a tool with a long history that goes back so far, the origin is hard to fully trace.
Here’s a few things I’ve found useful with the Enneagram:
It has helped me name and understand things about myself and has helped me grow spiritually and emotionally more than any other personality test or tool I have used.
I also like that the results seem to be pretty consistent. My Enneagram says similar things that I’ve also seen come up in Strengths Finders, MBTI, DISC, in a session with a therapist, etc. (At least I am consistent!) It helps me recognize patterns I have and offers me a continuing invitation to receive grace and experience transformation.
I also really like how the Enneagram helps me recognize myself and my tendencies both when I am healthy and unhealthy, in a time of growth or a time of stress, in “integration or disintegration.”
The Enneagram is not a static tool. It is a mirror and a guide that I can look to in the good, the bad, the ugly, the ups, and the downs.
Here are some ways you can use & misuse the Enneagram — drawn from my own experience and from the wisdom of actual experts and therapists:
- Use it as a tool to give you language & name things. It’s great when something helps us give words or expression to who we are. Use it as a self-awareness tool to know yourself better and help you share more with others in a way they can also understand. Use the phrases and imagery from the Enneagram to help guide conversations with others and to help you know how to pray.
- Use it as a team building tool to help everyone function better together by understanding what each person brings (and doesn’t bring) and how each person may be better supported.
- Use it to provide common language that facilitates forgiveness & reconciliation. Use it to help you own your own negative or hurtful behavior or to share what motivated you and say you are sorry.
- Don’t use it as a way to stereotype others or put them in a box. Just because you know their number, doesn’t mean you know what drives and motivates them – the story, the trauma, the fear, the desire behind the behavior or demeanor. Don’t reduce and dehumanize a person by labeling them.
- Don’t type others. Don’t type your kids or your friends. Don’t presume to tell someone their number — even if they ask you! (I love how Ian Cron approaches this in his Typology podcast. He has his own list of Enneagram Do’s and Don’ts!)
- Use curiosity and exploration to ask questions and listen with another person about the Enneagram. What do they notice is going on inside? What do they resonate with? What is their story? Let them identify their own type and realize it may change after time working with it. Be more interested in knowing the specific person you are in the presence of than what number they are!
- Use the Enneagram as a tool to learn from all types. Rather than be so interested in a number or a wing, notice the invitation to growth and health in every type and where you may be invited to learn and grow regardless of the number.
- Use the Enneagram as a tool to help you grow in empathy for others, especially those who are different than you. Use the Enneagram as a way to understand how different motivations and stories and fears may become drivers for different behaviors. Learn how to respond better and extend grace and compassion.
- Keep sitting with it. Don’t expect a test, a sermon, a book, a google search to have you all figured out. You won’t agree with everything. Sometimes the test you take gets it wrong. Use the different questions and descriptions as a discovery tool and use it to guide your prayers. Ask God and trustworthy friends and mentors to give you feedback.
